what the layoff did to my sleep (and the 5 things that are slowly fixing it)

nobody talks about this part so i will.

first three weeks after the layoff: 3 to 4 hours a night. i'd wake up at 4 am and check email for recruiter replies. then linkedin. "excited to announce" posts from people i used to work with. then email again. heart racing every time my phone buzzed, even when it was my mother sending a good morning forward.

4 am, most nights in september. not my laptop. same glow.

i'm not fixed. but here's what is helping, in order of how much i resisted it.

1. notification fasting. email at 11 am and 5 pm only. linkedin notifications off completely. recruiters who matter will still be there at 11.
2. fixed wake time. 7.30 am, even after a bad night. this one was horrible for a week and then it started working.
3. an evening walk without my phone, and no screens after 10.30 pm. i walk in circles around the park near my flat like a retired uncle. it works.
4. a therapist. online, ₹1,500 a session, every two weeks. this is the one i resisted the most. "i don't need therapy, i need a job." turns out i needed both.
5. telling my parents the truth. i'd been telling them "it's going fine, few interviews". the hiding was costing me more sleep than the job hunt. my aai's reaction: "arre, ithe ye na mag, kahi diwas" (come home for a few days then). i didn't, but knowing i could helped.

this is not medical advice. if you're not okay, please talk to someone. in india, tele MANAS is free: 14416. i saved it in my phone before i needed it, which is a sentence i never thought i'd write.

day 46. still no offer. sleeping 6 hours most nights. i'll take it.